Shadow Kiss Chapter 19

NineteenLISSA HAD BEEN MY best friend invariably since elementary school, which was why retention so m whatsoever secrets from her late had hurt so much. She was always forthright with me, always willing to share what was on her mind tho hence, maybe that was because she had no choice. I used to be that way with her, yet at some point, Id started locking my secrets in, unable to announce her hale-nigh Dimitri or the unfeigned reason Id messed up with Stan. I hated it creation that way. It ate me up inside and do me olfactory modality guilty rough her.Today, however, on that point was abruptly no way I could wiggle out of explaining what had happened at the airport. invade d avow if I made up something, the fact that I was on part clock clock with Christian would be a huge tip-off that something was acquittance on. No excuses this time.So, as much as it hurt, I gave her and Christian as substanti solelyy as Eddie and Adrian, who were abatement around the shor t version of what had happened.You retrieve you saying ghosts? Christian exclaimed. Seriously? The seem on his face showed me that he was already building a list of snide comments to make.Look, I snapped, I told you what was exhalation on, toilsomely I dont desire to elaborate on it. Its getting worked out, so retributive let it drop. bloom began Lissa uneasily. A hurri give the sacke of senses was beating through to me from her. Fear. C at a timern. Shock. Her leniency made me discover that much worse.I shook my head. No, Liss. Please. You guys can speak up whatever you want or so me or make up your own theories, but were non going to sing about it. Not presently. reasonable leave me al wizard about it.I expected Lissa to defectiveger me because of her normal persistence. I expected Adrian and Christian to because of their irritating natures. however even though my words had been simple, I realize Id delivered them with a harshness both in voice and style. It was Lissas surprised mental reaction that alerted me to that, and and so I take tho to look at the guys faces to realize I must charter sounded incredibly bitchy.Sorry, I mumbled. I appreciate the concern, but Im just not in the mood.Lissa eyed me. Later, she utter in my mind. I gave her a outline nod, secretly wondering how I could avoid that conversation.She and Adrian had met to practice conjuring trick over once again. I quiet down akind being able to be close to her, but I was only able to do so because Christian was hanging around too. And h angiotensin converting enzymestly, I couldnt figure out why he stayed. I guess he was still a little jealous, despite everything that had happened. Of course, if hed cognise about the queens match do schemes, he might have had good reason. Nonetheless, it was clear these deception lessons were offset to bore him. We were in Ms. Meissners classroom today, and he pulled two desks together and stretched out across them, tossin g an arm over his eyes.Wake me when it gets interesting, he express.Eddie and I stood in a central position that let us encounter the door and windows while withal staying near the Moroi.You very saw mason? Eddie whispered to me. He sour sheepish. Sorryyou tell you didnt want to talk about itI started to say yes, that was scarcely what Id give tongue tobut then I saw the look on Eddies face. He wasnt leaseing me about this out of perverse curiosity. He asked because of Mason, because of their closeness, and because Eddie wasnt over his best friends death any to a greater extent than I was. I think he found the view of Mason communicating from beyond the grave reassuring, but then, he hadnt been the one to actu everyy debate Masons ghost.I think it was him, I murmured prickle. I dont know. Everyone thinks I imagined it.How did he look? Was he upset?He looked sad. Really sad.If it was really him I mean, I dont know. Eddie looked at the ground, secarily forgetting to wa tch the room. Ive always wondered if he was upset that we didnt save him.There was energy we could have done, I told him, reiterating exactly what everyone had told me. barely I wondered that too, because Father Andrew had mentioned that ghosts sometimes add together mainstay for revenge. scarcely Mason didnt look that way. He just seemed kindred he precious to tell me something.Eddie looked acantha up shortly, realizing he was still on declare duty. He didnt say anything else after that, but I knew where his thoughts were.Meanwhile, Adrian and Lissa were making progress. Or rather, Adrian was. The two of them had dug up a bunch of scraggly plants that had died or gone manor hallant for the winter and put them in little pots. The pots were now lined up in a row on a long table. Lissa touched one, and I matte the euphoria of magic burn mark within her. A moment later, the scrappy little plant turned green and sprouted leaves.Adrian stared grievous at it, as though it held all the secrets of the universe, and then exhaled deeply. Okay. Here goes nothing.He lightly placed his fingers on a different plant. Here goes nothing might have been an accurate statement, because nothing actually happened. Then, a few moments later, the plant shuddered a little. A idle words of green started to grow in it and then it halt.You did it, verbalize Lissa, impressed. I could a corresponding feel that she was a little jealous. Adrian had learned one of her tricks, but she still hadnt learned any of his.Hardly, he said, glaring at the plant. He was entirely sober, with none of his vices to mellow him. Spirit had nothing to stop it from making him feel irritable. With our moods, we actually had something in common tonight. Damn it. be you kidding? she asked. It was great. You made a plant grow with your mind. Thats amazing.Not as good as you, though, he said, still sounding ilk he was ten years old.I couldnt help but pipe in. Then stop bitching and try again.He gl anced over at me, a smile twisting his lips. Hey, no advice, hint Girl. Guardians should be seen and not heard. I flipped him off for the Ghost Girl comment, but he didnt notice because Lissa was talking to him again.Shes right. Try it again.You do it one much time, he said. I want to watch you. I can descriptor of feel what you do to it.She performed her trick on another plant. I again felt the magic flare up, as well as the felicity that came with it and then she faltered. A flash of fear and instability tinged the magic, smacking a little of when her mental state had deteriorated so badly. No, no, I begged silently. Its happening. I knew it would if she unplowed victimization the magic. Please dont let it happen again.And like that, the dark line within her magic went away. All of her thoughts and feelings returned to normal. I noticed then that shed also made the plant grow. Id missed it because Id been deflect by her lapse. Adrian had missed the magic too because his eye s were on me. His expression was headached and very, very confused.Okay, said Lissa happily. She didnt realize he hadnt paid attention. Try again.Adrian focused his attention back on their work. Sighing, he moved to a new plant, but she gestured him back. No, hold open working on the one you started. Maybe you can only do it in small bursts.Nodding, he turned his attention to his original plant. For a few minutes, he just did nothing but stare. Silence reigned in the room. Id never seen him so focused on anything, and sweat was actually forming on his forehead. Finally, at long last, the plant twitched again. It grew even greener, and exact buds appeared on it. Glancing up at him, I saw him narrow his eyes and grit his teeth, no doubt concentrating for all he was worth. The buds burst. Leaves and tiny white flowers appeared.Lissa made what could only be called a whoop of joy. You did it She hugged him, and feelings of delight washed over me from her. She was really happy that hed been able to do it. And while she was still disappointed at her lack of progress, it inspired hope in her that hed replicated her abilities. That meant they truly could learn from from each one other.I cant wait until Im able to do something new, she said, still a tiny bit jealous.Adrian tapped a notebook. sanitary, there are plenty of other tricks in the world of spirit. Youve got to be able to learn at least one of them.Whats that? I asked.Remember that research I did on people whod shown uncanny behaviors? she asked. We made a list of all the different things that showed up. I did remember. In her search to materialise others with spirit, shed uncovered claims about Moroi demonstrating abilities no one had ever seen. Few people believed the reports were true, but Lissa was convinced they were spirit drug users.Along with healing, auras, and dream walking, we seem to also have some super compulsion going on.You already knew that, I said.No, this is even much hard-core. Its not just utter people what to do. Its also making them see and feel things that arent even there.What, like head games? I asked.Kind of, he said. There are stories of people using compulsion to make others live through their worst nightmares, thinking theyre being attacked or whatever.I shivered. Thats actually kind of scary.And awesome, said Adrian.Lissa agreed with me. I dont know. Regular compulsion is one thing, but that just seems wrong.Christian yawned. straight off that victory has been achieved, can we call it a night with the magic?Glancing derriere me, I saw that Christian was sitting up and alert. His eyes were on Lissa and Adrian, and he did not look happy about the victory hug. Lissa and Christian had broken apart, though not because theyd noticed his reaction. They were both too distracted by their own excitement to notice his glare.Can you do it again? asked Lissa eagerly. Make it grow?Adrian shook his head. Not right away. That took a gang out of me. I think I need a cigarette. He gestured in Christians direction. Go do something with your guy. Hes been terribly patient through all of this.Lissa walked over to Christian, her face alight with joy. She looked beautiful and radiant, and I could tell it was hard for him to stay too mad at her. The harsh expression on his face softened, and I saw the rare gentleness that only she could study out in him. Lets go back to the dorm, she said, grabbing his hand.We set off. Eddie walked near condom with Lissa and Christian, which left me with far guard. It also left me with Adrian, who had chosen to lag shag and talk to me. He was smoking, so I got to be the one to draw with the toxic cloud that generated. Honestly, I couldnt figure out why no one in charge had busted him for this. I wrinkled my hooter at the smell.You know, you can always be our far-far guard and stay tramp with that thing, I told him.Mm, Ive had enough. He dropped the cigarette and stamped it out, leaving it behind. I hated that near as much as him smoking in the first place.What do you think, little dhampir? he asked. I was pretty badass with that plant, wasnt I? Of course, it would have been much badass if Id, I dunno, helped an amputee grow a limb back. Or maybe stranded Siamese twins. But thatll come with more practice.If you want some advice which Im incontestable you dont you guys should lay off on the magic. Christian still thinks youre moving in on Lissa.What? he asked in bemock astonishment. Doesnt he know my nerve belongs to you?It does not. And no, hes still worried about it, despite what Ive told him.You know, I bet if we started making out right now, it would make him feel better.If you touch me, I said pleasantly, Ill provide you with the opportunity to see if you can heal yourself. Then wed see how badass you really are.Id get Lissa to heal me, he said smugly. Itd be voiced for her. Although The sardonic smirk faded. Something weird happened when she used her magic. yeah, I sai d. I know. Could you sense experience it too?No. But I saw it. He frowned. Rose remember when you asked about being crazy and I said you werent?YeahI think I might have been wrong. I think you are crazy.I nearly stopped walking. What the hell does that mean?Wellyou see, the thing is, when Lissa did the second plant her aura dimmed a little.That would go along with what I felt, I said. It was kind of like she I dont know, grew mentally fragile for a moment, kind of like she used to. But it went away.He nodded. Yeah, thats the thingthe darkness in her aura went away and into yours. Like, Ive noticed ahead that you guys have a big difference in auras, but this time, I saw it happening. It was like that spot of darkness jumped out of hers and into yours.Something about that made me shiver. What does it mean?Well, this is why I think youre crazy. Lissa isnt having any side personal effects from the magic anymore, right? And you, well youve been feeling kind of short-tempered lately a nd youre, like, seeing ghosts. He said the words casually, like seeing ghosts was just something that happened from time to time. I think whatever harmful thing there is in spirit that screws with the mind is leaking out of her and into you. Its making her stay stable, and you, well as I said, youre seeing ghosts.It was like being smacked in the face. A new theory. Not trauma. Not real ghosts. Me catching Lissas madness. I remembered how shed been at her worst, depressed and self-destructive. I remembered our former teacher, Ms. Karp, whod also been a spirit user and completely out of her mind enough to become Strigoi.No, I said in a strained voice. Thats not happening to me.What about your tie down? You have that connection. Her thoughts and feelings creep into you why not the madness too? Adrians manner was typically light and curious. He didnt realize just how much this was starting to freak me out.Because it doesnt make any And then, it hit me. The answer wed been searching for this unit of measurement time.St. Vladimir had struggled his whole life with spirits side effects. Hed had dreams and delusions, experiences he wrote off to demons. But he hadnt gone completely crazy or tried to kill himself. Lissa and I had felt certain that it was because he had a shadow-kissed guardian, Anna, and that sharing that bond with her had helped him. Wed assumed it was simply the act of having such a close friend around, somebody who could support him and talk him through the bad times since they hadnt had antidepressants or anti-anxiety drugs back then.But what if what ifI couldnt breathe. I couldnt go another single moment without knowing the answer. What time was it anyway? An hour or so forwards curfew? I had to find out. I came to an abrupt halt, nearly slipping on the slick ground.ChristianThe group in front of us stopped and looked back at me and Adrian. Yeah? Christian asked.I need to take a detour or rather, we do since I cant go anyplace without you. W e need to go to the church.His eyebrows rose in surprise. What, you need to confess something?Dont ask questions. Please. Itll only take a few minutes.Concern crossed Lissas face. Well, we can all go No, well be fasting. I didnt want her there. I didnt want her to hear the answer I was certain Id get. Go to the dorm. Well catch up. Please, Christian?He studied me, expression oscillating amid wanting to mock me and wanting to help. He wasnt a complete jerk, after all. The latter emotion won out. Okay, but if you try to get me to pray with you, I walk.He and I split off toward the chapel. I moved so fast that he had to scurry to keep up.I dont suppose you want to tell me what this is about? he asked.Nope. I appreciate your cooperation, though.Always glad to help, he said. I was certain he was rolling his eyes, but I was more focused on the path ahead.We reached the chapel, and the door was locked, unsurprisingly. I knocked on it, perfect(a) anxiously around to see if any lights sho ne through the windows. It didnt look like it.You know, Ive broken in here before, said Christian. If you need inside No, more than that. I need to see the priest. Damn it, hes not here.Hes probably in bed.Damn it, I repeated, feeling only a little bad about swearing on a churchs doorstep. If the priest was in bed, hed be off in Moroi staff housing and inaccessible. I need to The door opened, and Father Andrew peered out at us. He looked surprised but not upset. Rose? Christian? Is something wrong?I have to ask you a question, I told him. It wont take long.His surprise grew, but he stepped aside so we could enter. We all stopped and stood in the chapels lobby, just outside the main sanctuary.I was just about to go home for the night, Father Andrew told us. I was closure everything down.You told me that St. Vladimir lived a long life and died of old age. Is that true?Yes, he said slowly. To the best of my knowledge. All the books Ive read including these latest ones say as much. But what about Anna? I demanded. I sounded like I was on the threshold of hysteria. Which I kind of was.What about her?What happened to her? How did she die?All this time. All this time, Lissa and I had worried about Vlads outcome. Wed never considered Annas.Ah, well. Father Andrew sighed. Her end wasnt as good, Im afraid. She fatigued her whole life protecting him, though there are hints that in her old age, she started growing a little unstable too. And thenAnd then? I asked. Christian was looking between the priest and me, completely lost.And then, well, a couple months after St. Vladimir passed on, she committed suicide.I squeezed my eyes shut for fractional(a) a second and then opened them. This was what Id been afraid of.Im sorry, Father Andrew said. I know how closely youve followed their story. I didnt even learn this about her until development it recently. Taking ones life is a sin, of coursebut, well, considering how close they were, its not hard to imagine how she m ay have felt when he was gone.And you also said that she was starting to go a little crazy.He nodded and spread his hand out. Its hard to say what that poor woman was thinking. Many factors were probably involved. why was this so pressing?I shook my head. Its a long story. convey for helping me.Christian and I were halfway to the dorm before he finally asked, What was that all about? I remember when you guys were looking into this. Vladimir and Anna were like Lissa and you, right?Yeah, I said glumly. Look, I dont want to get between you guys, but please dont tell Lissa about this. Not until I find out more. Just tell her I dont know. Ill tell her that I suddenly panicked because I thought I had more community divine service scheduled.Both of us lying to her, huh?I hate it, believe me. But its also best for her at the moment.Because if Lissa knew that she might potentially make me crackers yeah, shed take that hard. Shed want to stop working her magic. Of course, that was what I d always wanted and yet, Id felt that joy in her when she used it. Could I take that away from her? Could I sacrifice myself?There was no easy answer, and I couldnt start jump to conclusions. Not until I knew more. Christian agreed to keep it secret, and by the time we joined the others, it was virtually time for curfew anyway. We had only about a half hour together, and then we all split off for bed including me, since the irregular field experience agreement said I couldnt do wickedness duty. The Strigoi risk was low in general anyway, and my instructors were more concerned about me getting a full nights sleep.So when curfew came, I walked back to the dhampir dorm alone. And then, when I was almost there, he appeared again.Mason.I came to an abrupt halt and glanced around me, wishing someone else was there to witness this and settle the crazy-or-not thing once and for all. His pearly form stood there, hands in the pockets of his coat in an almost casual way that somehow made t he experience that much weirder.Well, I said, feeling surprisingly calm, despite the sorrow that washed over me whenever I saw him. Glad to see youre alone again. I didnt really like the extras on the plane.He stared, expression blank and eyes sad. It made me feel worse, guilt twisting my stomach into knots. I broke.What are you? I cried. Are you real? Am I going crazy?To my surprise, he nodded.Which? I squeaked. Yes, youre real?He nodded.Yes, Im crazy?He shook his head.Well, I said, forcing a joke through my hurricane of emotions. Thats a relief, but honestly, what else would you say if youre a hallucination?Mason just stared. I glanced around again, wishing someone would come by.Why are you here? Are you mad at us and looking for revenge?He shook his head, and something in me relaxed. Until that moment, I hadnt realized how worried Id been about that. The guilt and grief had been wound up so tightly in me. Him blaming me just as Ryan had had seemed inevitable.Are you are you ha ving trouble finding peace?Mason nodded and seemed to grow sadder. I thought back to his final moments and swallowed back tears. Id probably have a hard time finding peace too, taken from my life before it began.Is there more than that, though? Another reason you keep coming to me?He nodded.What? I asked. There were too many questions lately. I needed answers. What is it? What do I need to do?But anything other than a yes or no question was beyond us, apparently. He opened up his mouth as though he would say something. He looked like he was move hard, like Adrian had with the plant. But no sound came out.Im sorry, I whispered. Im sorry I dont understand andIm sorry for everything else.Mason gave me one last wistful look and then vanished.